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late night observances, pt. 2

October 10, 2009

2:53 am.

I’d like to be crawling into bed soon, but sometimes don’t eat my meals in such a time as I’d like, therefore, occasionally am quite hungry right before bed, and need a decent repast at this time of night, which takes awhile to digest, and so I’d rather be sitting upright for awhile than laying down.

In my room is a frustrated cat. She was mauled by another feline last week, and although she has recovered a great deal, still has some staples in her skin. We won’t let her out during the day til after the staples are removed. I am likely to bring her to the vet early next week, to have the staples and sutures removed.  She is an indoor/outdoor cat, and understandably restless this week. We will no longer be allowing her to go outside at night because cats are nocturnal, and more apt to fight in darkness.

She has finally settled down, after pacing back and forth between all the doors in the house, the doors that we usually open for her so she can explore the outside world. I hate to keep her in, even though I know I need to. I sometimes feel claustrophobic because I am empathizing with her, thinking how it must be to be stuck, and the people she is used to opening the doors ignoring her, or trying to talk her down.

She has quieted now, and is sitting upon a towel which was placed over the cushion attached to a rocking chair in which my mother once rocked me and my brother. I don’t have any use for the chair being in this room, with the exception of the cat sleeping on it, but my room is by far the largest of the three bedrooms in the house, and I have a place for it here.

For some years, in the spot where the rocker has recently been resting,  I had an electric organ like they use in smaller churches (no pipes). It was a Wurlitzer, if I remember correctly,  a fairly basic model, made some decades ago. For the first few years we lived at this location, one of our neighbors was an organ repairman. He could build them from spare parts and had an unusual assortment of keyboards and circuit boards and miscellaneous attachments littering his garage and back yard.

He turned out to be a mostly nice old guy – gruff, but good-hearted. I didn’t get to know him until shortly before he and his wife moved. I offered to help him a few times, when I saw him struggling to lift organs into the back of a tiny, decrepit pickup he’d drive around at a very slow speed – must have driven other drivers mad.

I didn’t expect him to give me an organ but he said I was doing him a favor by taking it off his hands, considering he didn’t want to move organs and parts to wherever he and his wife relocated to. He and I pushed an organ, under a special organ dolly, across the street our house, through the garage, and into my room. I later donated the instrument.

I wish I could say I played the organ often and learned how to play well, but as with almost all instruments I have owned, the organ because a nice decorative piece in my room that gathered dust – like some of my guitars. I have sold all the guitars I own that were playable. I have one poorly made acoustic I could fix if I had the inclination, but have given up guitar playing. I also returned my aunt’s almost impossible to play Ibanez acoustic back to her side of the duplex.

Tonight, even though it is a Friday night, is quiet. Haven’t heard a siren in hours, and not even the trains I sometimes hear in the distance. The train sounds late at night are one of the good things about living here.

The weather is nice now. Finally been cooler. This is the coolest October weather I can remember. Often the heat extends into this month and doesn’t cool down ’til almost Halloween.

Rough day today mentally..but I made an effort to have a good day.. just didn’t work.

For years off and on, I could be at least semi-happy rambling around and going to various places by myself, but these days not having a female companion or any good friends is just tearing me up.  I also would like to belong to some group or community and have some sense of identity, but alas.

I went to the movie downtown, then headed out of town. I like to wander, and there are so many country roads to drive on, especially east of town. I took the scenic route to a smaller city, which is on the way to the foothills. I was thinking of driving up through the foothills for awhile, up to a town located not quite in the mountains, but still has that mountain town vibe. I didn’t do this though, because I was too hungry.

I stopped at an A&W at the far end of this smaller town which is not in the foothills. It feels good being on the edge of that town, because from there, heading East, the terrain is no longer flat – rolling hills and sharp turns in the road – a great drive, even at night in heavy traffic on a two lane road.

I wandered in the dark through a tiny hamlet located aways past where I had my cheeseburger, fries and rootbeer. The little village I wandered through is one of those places with 2 or 3 restaurants, a general store, no fast food chains, and some very narrow streets on fairly steep hills. It is located along a river. I headed out of this town, traveling on dark dark roads which I had not known existed, and didn’t know where these roads lead, except for one called Cemetery Road. I passed the cemetery in the dark, kept on going for a little while, than turned around.

I eventually made it back on to the main 2 lane highway, and headed back the way I came. It is a good thing to wander.

One beautiful thing about this area is all the agricultural land around the city where I live – thousands of acres of orchards and vineyards, interspersed with small dairy farms and the occasional llama or alpaca or sheep ranch. I’ve seen a few small goat ranches here and there as well.

Unless I am passing a dairy or other animal ranch, the air in the country is nice.. cooler than in the city, with a pleasant earthy smell. I like the country in all the seasons.  I think I prefer Fall though.

Feeling the air and driving through the orchards and open land – ah – such a  feeling. I think again of earth-based religions and pagan spirituality, and am slightly aggravated that I am not capable of worshiping the goddess or other pagan deities. I am somewhat of a pagan anyway though.. because I experience the land, the earth this way. Wonderful.

I feel that nature doesn’t need to be deified, because it is so wonderful and special already. I don’t need to get specifically spiritual about it, and say that the earth is the mother goddess. Birds are birds, trees are trees, the land is the land, and what I feel driving through this country with the windows open is sublime.

The cat is snoring now, and perhaps I soon will be as well.

I am grateful for the solitude, the quiet of this night.

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