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dreams I dream when I sleep – generalities, and one in particular

March 3, 2010

I’ve  never written about a dream before, or my dreams in general, but this morning (or it could have been sometime after noon) I had an usual dream, which I can still recall rather clearly.

First though, a few things regarding my dreams – the kind I dream at night, and I want to explain the phenomena called “morning wood.” -No, this mostly is not a sexually explicit posting, but I have a few things to explain.

My dreams are almost never erotic. I do find this odd sometimes. I think about sex quite a bit during my waking hours..but nevermind, tonight’s blog is mainly about dreams.

When we men dream, regardless of what we dream about, we get erections. We could be dreaming about auto mechanics or being audited, but still, something in our brains, during our dream cycle, triggers an erection. This is the cause of morning wood. I am not a neuro-scientist, so I cannot give you the details on how and why this happens, it just does.

If there be any ladies reading this, please don’t be irritated with your man if he wakes up with a hard on. Chances are, he was not having sex with another woman in his dreams. He quite likely was not dreaming about women at all, just gets the erection because that is how his brain is. So, probably no need to feel jealous (even if he is dreaming of another woman, if it is a dream he is having while sleeping, he really can’t help it anyway – if he is fantasizing about other women while awake, that is another matter). As I say, don’t be jealous, just be happy he got wood without having to take any pills, and just go with it.

Ok… now on to my dreams.. what they are like..

I’m not a highly skilled writer, so i cannot adequately convey how places look, or how they feel, but I will type these things out anyway.

First I want to mention that in one way my life in dreams is very similar to my waking life. In my dreams, I am always alone. I interact with people – there are usually people around, and I speak with them, if only a little, but I am separate from them, not a part of any group, or having any close friendships or relationships with anyone.

This is true of my waking life as well, except that there are a few relatives I am close with. I live with my parents and aunt. My parents occupy the same side of the duplex as I do, and my aunt is on the other side of it, but the back wall of my room is also a wall in her room, and she is over here almost everyday. Other than that – I hang out with some people I would call acquaintances – I see them once a month or so, and otherwise just interact with them online. And, I tutor a guy 2 evenings a week, and talk a little with people in my two classes at school. That’s pretty much it.

One difference in my dreams is that although I am alone, I don’t mind it near as much in dreams. Also, I don’t have (often severe) anxiety in my dreams like I do in real life, just a little depression. Sometimes, even in dreams it is hard to be alone. But, overall I feel better, and when I wake up I often feel worse. My anxiety kicks in with related physical symptoms – sometimes muscle tension – especially in my back, sometimes my brain just goes into over-drive right away, like it usually is – distracted and anxious. Sometimes my tinnitus kicks in real quick. That’s how it is.

Other things common to many of my dreams. The people I interact with are almost never people I’ve met, seen or heard of in real life. I don’t know who they are. In rare instances, someone I know, or have met will drift through, but usually rather briefly. And it will be someone I met many many years ago, and never got to know well. And they’ll just walk through, sometimes not even seeing me – sometimes we exchange a few words.. that’s it.

Another common thing that happens is that I go to some of the same places, and they are not places I have been to in my waking hours. One place, or series of places reminds me a bit of, or sort of stands for, a place that I worked at, but it doesn’t look much like it. This place is a conference center of sorts – large campus, in the mountains, with dorm rooms for staff. I have worked in such a place, but the one in my dreams looks very different from the place where I worked, and at the place where I worked, the people were mostly nicer. The people at the dream conference center are either indifferent, or just slightly hostile, but their bad attitudes don’t tend to bother me much.

There is also a city I go to. I haven’t been there lately, though. It’s mainly a street that I go to, with several coffee houses, and several stores that I don’t feel comfortable being in, but keep finding myself there. One is a typical generic Wal-Mart type store – not only groceries but hardware and stuff – but it isn’t a national chain, it’s more run down and dreary than that. The other is a store that is much smaller – its sort of a used records and tapes store, although the inventory floor is mostly empty. There is a counter along a side wall, where there are collectibles, but the nature of which I can’t recall, and T-shirts on the wall behind the counter that I find vaguely offensive, and a rude long-haired guy in a green T-shirt behind the counter.

There’s a coffee house I’ve been in a few times, and it’s a much more pleasant-feeling place – comfortable diner-style red booths, dark in there, but a good feel. There’s a woman in there – late ’20’s or early 30’s – looks rather like a woman I met briefly in real life – voluptuous – with thick wavy brown hair worn above her shoulders, but this one is much more stylish and friendly. She wears a dress that goes up to her neck, but is tight and shows her curves. It is made of a red material weaved with black lace.

I am never in this shop more than a few minutes though. It seems it is too classy a place for me, and I am always broke, but it’s a nice place, and the woman there – she’s usually with a guy – dark haired – nice enough fella, probably her boyfriend. – they are both nice enough, but I don’t really know them, and just sit down, usually next to the guy, and across from the woman, so I can see her better, than I get up to leave.

The only other place on that street I’ve been to that I remember is a really run-down gym with equipment so old it’s dangerous. I work out in there occasionally – alone of course.

Sometimes, I go to a really wonderful place (or places) though – near water – sometimes it’s a river, and I stand on the bank, or it’s a big lake, not quite an ocean, perhaps.. but lovely places. The people there are happy. There is a very very large house with 2 stories and huge rooms and halls, and I am there sometimes.

Now.. on to the dream I want to describe. It was series of dreams – I go from one place to another, each place often with different people, but I do this seamlessly.

So, I was at the conference center. This time, working in a kitchen. I had to push a cart somewhere to wash off some kitchen stuff, and was outside walking on a paved road slightly uphill, found a spigot near some buildings, washed off the stuff, slowly pushed the cart back – enjoying being out – very pleasant weather.

The mean woman running the kitchen said I’d done a terrible work-related thing – staying out too long, and she made a big deal about it and fired  me, so I, still feeling laid back, left.

Next, I find myself in a big house, room, etc. – which might or might not be the one that I travel from to visit the body of water. My brother is there with some other guys. Some look middle-eastern or Assyrian.

As in waking life, I often don’t feel comfortable in the company of men – many men tend to be more masculine than I am – they are more crude, and swear, and tease each other roughly and so forth. My brother can hang with these kinds of dudes easily, can adapt. I cannot.

In the dream he was trying to convince me to go to some place with a lot of other guys, and I told him I don’t like strip clubs (which is true, I’ve never been to one).

Yet, here I am in a theater – a fairly small theater with maybe 30 or less rows of seating, not very wide, red and silver and black interior. There is a stage, with dark red light in the background and brighter spotlights. There is a band, including one woman who just sits there. She is brunette, fairly short hair, looks a little like a woman I met briefly some years back – but the woman I met I never saw naked.

This one in the dream is not entirely topless, she is wearing a black jacket – black leather jacket or black jean jacket, but it is open, and her breasts are showing, and even though she is sitting, I can tell she’s wearing .. can’t really call them panties or a bikini-bottom – but you get the idea – black, with black leggings and black boots. She doesn’t look all that happy, and isn’t moving with the music much, but, has the appearance and attitude that, since she is up there, might as well enjoy it some so smiles sometimes.

There are several guys in black jeans and black t-shirts – mexicans or italians or something like that. They are the musicians and are having a truly wonderful time. One guy stands in front of the drummer, and plays a white fender guitar, and just stoked to be doing it. There is another woman off to the side, but I barely notice her. Probably several other people on stage – I’m guessing at least five. I mostly notice the topless woman and the guitarist.

The music. On very very rare occasions, there is music in my dreams, and it is amazing music I have never heard. This particular dream, this band was playing the sexiest, most sultry music I have ever heard, more so than anything I heard in real life. It had quite a groove to it.

I was sitting one row from in front of the last row. Most of the rows of seating were on level or almost level ground, but the floor curved up gently toward the back. I was sitting toward the right end, and could see the audience. All guys – some from high school. One of them I saw a couple years ago, but the other I’ve not seen in almost 2 decades. They were sitting toward the front – first or second row.

In the middle, there was my brother’s brother-in-law – a big, goofy obnoxious guy whose presence I’ve tolerated but not much enjoyed. He looked back to where my brother and I were sitting and had a big shit-eating grin on his face.

I thought, oh great, I’m in loser-ville. I was uncomfortable with the partially naked woman on stage, and with the crowd, but the music was so amazingly good that I stayed.

The walls of the room had a strange wall paper that I can visualize easily but have a hard time describing. The walls had a swirly silver pattern, with some texture to it – if you touched the wall, certain parts of it would have an almost furry texture. I’ve seen this in waking life before. It’s a garish yet somehow classy look.

The band stopped, and a middle-aged (fully clothed) woman with short orangy-brown hair and not-at-all sexy dark clothes – leather jacket, button down shirt, leather tie and dark jeans, took the stage, held a mic that was dangling from the ceiling, and smiled and spoke to us in the crowd. I could tell immediately that she was the bitchy type, and also that she was an owner or manager of the place. The theater, by the way, was part of a larger building, which also had a lobby, but the theater was the main part of it, and this woman was an important person in the building.

I don’t remember all that she said, something like “Good evening! Great to see everybody here.. blah blah” – like that. Then she started reading off guys’ names, and names of bands they were in. Mostly indie bands – never had heard of them, but still, they were in bands. A guy’s name, then the band he’s in. This went on for a little while, and I began to feel more out of place, because I’m not in a band. But..

.. Then, she mentioned somebody famous.. “And let’s give a warm welcome tooo.. Danny Carey, the drummer from Tool!!!”

There is a band called Tool, an American group, which you may or may not have heard of. Their music is very very dark, some of their lyrics quite disturbing, and for these reasons, I don’t often listen to them, although I used to years back. They are quite heavy, and also very very original. The singer has an unusual voice, and what else most distinguishes the band is that the 3 other guys are truly incredible musicians.

I don’t know how many months it’s been since I’ve listed to or even thought of Tool, yet here Danny Carey is, in my dream.

After he is introduced, he stands up. He is in the back row, behind the one I’m in, and maybe 8 or 10 seats to the left. He looks younger than he does in real life, I’m guessing he looks to be in his early 20’s in my dream – long fairly pale blonde hair, black t-shirt with an unclear design on it – looks like an old rocker t-shirt, and faded jeans. He has a look on his face that I like.

It is the look of someone that is truly great at something – a legend, but not at all arrogant – confident, certainly, more than confident, but not at all cocky – almost humble. He has just a tiny bit of a smile on his face, stands up and waves.

The woman on stage asks him to play drums. To the left of him, in the wide side aisle, there is a white drum set, that looks almost plastic – too small, something a kid would play. Danny has white drum sticks, and sits down at the kit.

A guy with a side aisle seat a few rows down – he looks Mexi-pino (part Mexican, part Filipino) or maybe part – south-east asian. This guy is wearing a faded orange shirt, a baseball cap, black jeans, and starts playing a very small keyboard on his lap. He plays a part from one of Tool’s songs off their “Lateralus” album – it’s one of the strangest parts of the album – I just pulled up some Tool songs on my hardrive, and found the part the guy on the keyboard started to play. On the album, the part is played on a guitar, but it certainly sounds strange. It’s part of the song, “Schism” – 2:46 into the tune.

It sounds almost exactly like on the album, just different enough to sound unique. There isn’t much drumming right away on this part, but eventually the song gets heavier again and Danny really starts in.

There is a drum demo video I saw Danny do on youtube. -Haven’t watched it in a long time, and not sure if it’s from the same song, but it must have made some impression. This dude is one of the best drummers I’ve heard, ever.

As he finishes the song, he goes into a drum solo. The drum set is now on the level floor toward the front, where there is now a big open area, sort of like the dance floor at the night club I went to a couple week’s back, with a big pillar in the middle. I am standing behind Danny as he is playing, so I can’t see his hands as well as I’d like. There are people clustered around him and the drum set. There is one little dude sitting right in front of the bass drum, facing Danny, and this little dude has a maniacal grin on his face – looks a bit scary.

Danny is playing the kit with his hands, just banging away. There is very cheap plasticky-looking doumbek (middle eastern hand drum) hanging on the kit and a djembe too, I think, and he is banging away, then plays with his sticks again. I watch as best I can, from where I’m standing..

And then, I gradually wake up, that’s it.

But, I feel so good in the dream! It’s the music, and this really cool guy. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate people who are supremely gifted in the arts, but are very humble, quiet and approachable people. I don’t know if Danny Carey is like this in real life, but he was in the dream.

That’s the dream. I woke up feeling really good, then had to face the not-nearly-as-good feelings of waking life.

Why Danny Carey? Why in my dream? Why do I even remember this dude’s name? If, yesterday, somebody asked me the name of the drummer from Tool, I might not have been able to remember. But, here he was, and the groove was awesome!

Music can transform even the most awkward-feeling place and make everything better, even heavenly.

Why the color white? Angelic, I think. Why the color red in the room – decadence. Both were present. Carey definitely seemed angelic.

Ironically, the Danny Carey in the waking world is very very different. He is heavily into the occult, likely as much as Jimmy Page, and maybe even more so. His personality is, I’m guessing quite unlike this presence of his in my dream.

Going through the day, I wondered if I even got the dude’s name right. I half-thought I’d just pulled that name out of the ether, and that the drummer from Tool had a different name, but still suspected I got it right. Before starting this entry, I googled the name, and yep, I got it right! Pretty cool.

Dreams..I try not to interpret my dreams, never saw much point in it. I don’t know why I dream what I dream and I hope that me being alone in my dreams does not mean I will always be like this.

But, alone and isolated and different from others in my dream, at least I don’t mind so much, not nearly as much, and sometimes, I feel really good in my dreams. Peaceful, mellow, without neurosis.

Damn, this has turned into a long, long blog. I thought it would.

Just felt like writing this one out.

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