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“let’s just be friends.”

March 29, 2010
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Ladies, if you have even half a brain, DON’T say this to a guy! If a guy has expressed interest in you that is beyond friendship, he is NOT going to be interested in “just being friends.” He either wants sex, wants a romantic relationship with you, or both. Friendship is NOT  going to do it for him. If you are not interested in him, be polite, tell him no thanks, and leave it at that. Just friendship with him is not possible.

Another thing.. dating a guy who has been your friend for awhile and you two get along.. that could be a very good thing! The people with the healthiest marriages consider their spouses to be their best friends.

Something to keep in mind.

Why am I writing this post? A few minutes ago, I read an email from the older single woman I mentioned earlier, and got the line every man dreads.

Grrr… This woman is 51 years old, you’d think she would have learned this lesson by now! (And maybe I’ll stick to younger women from now on).

I told her thanks but no thanks.

Oh well, at least she had a flute she wanted to get rid of, and gave it to me. Maybe I’ll trade it in on a fiddle, if the flute is worth anything.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. March 29, 2010 8:50 PM

    You’re not alone in being unlucky in love. Today, my boyfriend it turns out didnt like my best friend. To bad that i’d already dumped him. He had given said best friend a note to give to me, but my friend forgot to bring it. Now, i’m thinking of a way to apologise. Would pleading temporary insanity work?

    Anywhoo… does that apply to all guys? I mean, has there ever been a girl that you’ve dated that you’ve thought ‘well, I’d rather be friends than nothing’?

    • tomschronicles permalink
      March 29, 2010 11:50 PM

      Hmm… if the guy really likes you, pleading temporary insanity might work, even if it doesn’t work immediately. I am guessing at this point he’s not too happy with you. But, what you did was not nearly as bad as cheating on him. You just got confused. If you ask him back, and he says no, give him time – things may work out. Trying again and again to get him back probably will not work, though. He will just feel pestered.

      There have been women I liked but did not ask out who I later got to know just as friends (after I’d gotten over them), and that was ok. But, I would never accept just friendship from a woman I am sexually and/or romantically interested in. The frustration is intolerable. A woman turns me down, I disappear.

      Sometimes, guys can be friends with girls they’ve already been involved with, but have since separated from. This is even true of married people, who divorce, but eventually manage to form a friendship. This is different than a guy asking a girl out and her turning him down though. That’s what I was writing about in the blog.

      Actually, there is one exception. I was friends with a girl for 2 years back in the ’90’s. I stopped being friends with her because that was all she wanted to be, and I really liked her. I had not seen her since 1996, but she is in two clubs I recently joined, so we have talked a bit here and there, and that’s ok. But, a LOT of time has passed since I had strong feelings for her. I make sure not to spend much time with her though. I don’t want the feelings to come back.

      In summary.. it’s just a very bad idea to tell a guy who likes you and/or thinks you’re really hot that you want to just be friends. He’ll likely feel insulted, very insulted. Women who want men they can just be friends with do best with homosexual men. That works. The gay guy and the girl can have loads of fun talking about men. But for us straight guys, if we like a girl or want to sleep with her, (or want to sleep with her because we like her) friendship by itself simply will NOT do.

      • March 30, 2010 2:12 AM

        Yeah, well he was over at said friends house this afternoon, and i had sent him a message saying I wanted to talk to him, so the friend called me, said I could say what I wanted, but that he wasn’t going to say anything. So I told him how sorry I was. I told him I was stupid and jealous and a complete moron. He messaged me later saying that he’d meet tomorrow at the library to talk. He also said the reason he hadn’t said anything before was that my friend had made him promise not to go off at me. *sigh* Yep, not too happy. No way would I ask him again and again, him saying no to me once (which he will) will be enough.

        Yep, you’d be the same as me. Except I could be friends with them if I really liked them. If I knew there was absolutely no chance of him liking me, then I may as well enjoy his company.

        Haha right so if I want a male friend, he has to be gay? That rules out any guys I know (seriously, there are like no gay people at my school… or maybe my gaydar’s broken).

      • tomschronicles permalink
        March 30, 2010 4:38 PM

        Things might work for you and the guy, who knows. I hope your talk goes well.

        No, a male friend doesn’t have to be gay, but, I do think if women want a guy they can just be friends with, and know that the guy will never go for them, then a gay guy is best. Sometimes it is possible for straight males and females to be close friends without much romantic or sexual tension. It can happen, but usually, after some point in time, things shift. One develops feelings for the other. If only one has stronger feelings..ouch.. but, sometimes something wonderful happens and the two realize they have feelings for each other. But even then, sometimes things don’t work out.

  2. March 31, 2010 5:16 AM

    He stood me up. But, well right now i am but not at the time, I’m glad. It kinda made me realise that I don’t like him the way I thought I did.

    Guess you’re right about that…. You’re right about a lot of things. By the way, I’m going camping for 5 days, so I won’t be able o reply to any posts, so I’ll reply when I get back 😀 Oh, and I will post your first Japanese lesson 😀

    • tomschronicles permalink
      March 31, 2010 2:55 PM

      Good that your feelings are becoming clearer. If any of my words have helped, then I’m glad. Have fun camping, and please let me know what camping is like in Australia. Posting a Japanese lesson would be wonderful! Thanks!

      • April 4, 2010 10:58 PM

        Camping in Australia… well we drove for an hour to et to the beach, set up the caravan for the parents and my friends little brother, set up the tent for me and my friend, spend the five days doing whatever came to mind. Since it was near the beach we played beach cricket (which I am terrible at), we rode our bikes along the track near the lake, walked up a bush walk kinda thing on this mini-mountain above the beach. My friend got annoyed at me because I kept climbing all the rock structures. What’s camping in America like? I’ll work our what’ll come first now 😀 Well, after I catch up on your other blog posts of course.

      • tomschronicles permalink
        April 5, 2010 11:17 PM

        Wow! Sounds like you had a wonderful time! Camping for us is quite similar. I prefer to camp near the ocean as well, but I live farther than an hour away from it. Haven’t seen the ocean in years. The traffic to get to the coast is insane! It’s hard to calm down once we arrive, especially if we are not camping but just heading out there for the day.

        Some people are really hardcore about camping. They load up HUGE backpacks with all their gear and wander into wilderness areas and set up camp and later backpack out again. I’m not into that. I like a campsite with a bathroom within short walking distance that has running water and showers, and preferably a beach nearby. But it’s nice up in the mountains too, and some campsites there have amenities as well. I’ve never camped in the mountains though, just near the beach.

        Good to have you back on the blog. I wrote some heavy stuff, but yesterday and today been doing better.

        I’m glad your trip went really well!

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