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choking the muse

April 11, 2010

you are probably more creative than you think, it’s just that you don’t give yourself the chance. you are too impatient, too busy with unnecessary things, maybe you are stuck in despair, finding it impossible to believe in yourself. you could be just in a rut, or have developed a habit of laziness, complacency, self-conditioned helplessness.

i don’t know what the cause is, but chances are, you are choking your muse. what is a muse? a long time ago, i was taught that a muse was a spirit that brings inspiration. this can be taken literally if you want. but, we often use this word as a metaphor, to describe the source of creativity, which we cannot describe completely with words. creativity – it’s something we have to do, it’s about showing, not explaining.

where does this creativity come from? where do ideas come from? the greatest artists, authors, musicians have been asked this question. many of them have replied, “i don’t know.” i think that is an honest answer.

but regardless of where creativity comes from, that creative energy, that flow of ideas and feelings that might enable you to write a poem, paint a picture or compose a tune, that creative energy can be strangled. it can be choked. you may not even realize you are doing it. or you may fully realize it, but allow yourself to feel even worse, instead of letting that creativity flow, because doing so would be harder. it is much easier to complain or numb your mind than it is to have the patience to let your muse speak, and take dictation.

i choke my muse, everyday, with my own drowning self-doubt and chronically insane impatience. i sometimes let the muse speak, but only a little, and am angry that it speaks, because when i allow it to do so, it says i have the responsibility to develop my gift, whether it be art, music, writing, etc. taking responsibility  and being patient and devoting the time necessary to process what the muse is speaking, and put it into words, pictures, or song – these are things that i have always resisted, sometimes violently.

i don’t know if i will ever have the maturity to let my muse speak freely, and let my creation  fully bloom.

i’m still choking the muse, but at least i am aware of it, and can do something about it, maybe.

what about you? are you choking your muse?

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