i have a lead singer inside me.. and you better watch out!!!

As I am writing this, I have another webpage opened up.. am listening to a live video of Tool doing their incredibly intense song “Stinkfist.”

(No, the drawing above is not my rendition of the band).

Normally I don’t listen to Tool much at all because they are too dark and something about them scrambles my head in a really bad way.

But they are goddamn geniuses!

All the musicians are amazing.

I even had a dream last year in which I was sitting in some odd, strange theater, and their drummer Danny Carey showed up for an impromptu solo concert.

But the dude in the band I’m paying attention to right now, and the reason I pulled up this particular video, is Maynard James Keenan.

A true pervert in many ways.. some of the outfits he wears, his disgusting lyrics in some of the earlier Tool songs, and even worse stuff in his side projects likes Puscifer.

The song “Stinkfist” – as far as I can tell it’s about the homosexual practice of one guy shoving his fist up another guy’s ass.

This is supposed to be fun.

These reasons are not why I am inspired by Maynard James Keenan

What I do like about him is.. his fearlessness to be crazy and be himself, even if he makes me sick. He doesn’t hold back from his performances, he is not afraid to disturb people, and he holds nothing back from his audience. You oughta see some of the live Tool videos, and some of their studio productions as well.. those studio videos.. I don’t know what else to call them.. videos the band made with a production company or whatever.. chilling, but Brilliant!

So he is one of my inspirations.

Another really wild guy is Perry Farrell. I’ve read that isn’t his real name.. it’s a play on the word “peripheral.” I don’t know why.

Farrell sang mainly for the band Jane’s Addiction.. known for incredibly astonishing and original music back in the 1990’s and daring and very sexual art work. The cover of their “Ritual de lo Habitual” Album was censored by.. who.. the record company I am guessing.. or maybe congress.. who knows. The dude also sang for a band called “Porno for Pyros.” – not as good as Jane’s Addiction, but, at least, a creative name for a band.

Farrell liked to dress up in crazy outfits too, and act like a deviant.

The major difference between Tool and Jane’s Addiction is that Tool is dark and horrible.. music from some after-death realm of hopelessness and pain, and Jane’s Addiction plays a lot of incredibly happy tunes, mixed with some drifty ballads. Both bands are from LA, as far as I know.. amazing.

Other singers that inspire me.. Jim Morrison.. from the Doors of course.. just crazy, out of his mind, music that’s insane, incredible but often dark and maddening lyrics.. too many drugs, early death.. legend lives on..

How about Scott Weiland from Stone Temple Pilots? Surprisingly this man is still alive. STP even released another album after LOTS of time had passed and the various members of the band did other things. Too bad the new STP album really sucks!

And so did Velvet Revolver, except for the great tune “Falling to Pieces.”

But still.. watch some of the STP live videos.. Scott’s awesome.

And Chris Cornell, one of the best rock singers ever!! This dude has an incredible voice and unbelievable vocal range.. he sang for Soundgarden, Audioslave, and did some of his own solo tunes.

He can’t be forgiven for the catastrophic monstrosity hip-hop type album he made with rap producer Timbaland. What the FUCK was that?????!!!!

But other than that… an almost otherwordly talent!!

Those are the most famous singers that inspire me, but there area others.. including some I don’t even know the names of.

There’s a band called Shinedown. I only like one of their songs that I know of .. “Fly from the Inside.” The vocals on there are stupdendous.. the guy isn’t screaming or grunting like the Scandanavian death metal singers do, or the much more weak American wannabe imitators like Avenged Sevenfold or Mastodon.

No, the guy from Shinedown SINGS!

Some rasp and sort of screaming works.. There’s a band called Manmade God. They did a song called “Safe Passage.” It’s super intense… builds slowly.. the guy sounds fairly normal at first.. kicks it into high gear for the second part of the song, and by the chorus.. damn.. as intense as Bruce Dickenson from Iron Maiden, or Rob Halford from Judas Priest…who are both incredibly intense singers.

One other guy comes to mind.. he’s from a band I don’t like much – Queensyche.. I probably spelled that wrong.. even though I don’t like the band much, I have to respect the singer, Geoff Tate, for singing the way he did.. almost operatic. He had an amazing voice.. very very pure. I bet the dude really could sing opera.

It’s the blow your head off power of vocals that I am after..

And the craziness.. it would probably be quite fun to put on some bizarre makeup and clothes and go onstage and just spastically flip out all over the place..

As long as I could SING!! With devastatingly beautiful power.

I think with the proper vocal training, and a secluded enough place to practice, I could DO this!!

I have vocal training DVD’s. They were TERRIBLY expensive, and I don’t know how helpful they will be, but I am going to use them. I also have.. please don’t laugh.. “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Singing.” Gotta start somewhere.

And for awhile, this will be all I can afford.. that and maybe a community college vocal class or two, once I wait the rest of the year before enrolling so I can pay in-state tuition.

I am sick to death of being so inhibited and not letting my voice out.

Singing is something I have almost never written about before.

It is something I’ve only rarely even thought about before.

This is because I’ve been entirely obsessed with playing other instruments!

I’ve always wanted to sing at least part of the time while in a band. One of the reasons I wanted so strongly to learn bass or guitar was so that I could play while I sang instead of just flap all over the place when I’m not singing..

But I still can’t play any instruments very well..

And I AM willing to make a total insane maniac of myself on stage .. just maybe..

The singers I mentioned.. none of them play or played an instrument all the time while on stage. Chris Cornell is a rather good guitarist, but when he was with Audioslave, he often just sang and let his incredibly brilliant one of the best in the world guitarist (Tom Morello) handle the guitar playing. A sensible decision!

The rest of the guys I mentioned.. they rarely, if ever played an instrument on stage.

They had the VOICE!!!

And they had crazy image, and nutso behaviour, and why not?

Maybe just maybe I have that in me..

Call it a midlife crisis if you want..

But because of all this shit I’ve dealt with all my life..

I really feel like I haven’t lived yet.

I turn 39 this year.. so what.

My life is unconventional.. why not be MORE unconventional?

The greatest poets artists writers singers musicians.. they were almost all madmen weren’t they?

Why not let the madness out with the controlled and trained but still magnificently overwhelming power of my voice?

Why not?

Because I haven’t come close to learning how to sing properly yet..

But someday, damnit.. someday!!

Ok, I’m going to go back to youtube now.. for some more inspiration.. it being too late at night to practice my vocals.

In the next house I’ll be living in though, I’ll be in a room separated from the others .. at the far end of the house.. and might just have enough space and time to sing at full power and

Let It OUT!!!!