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dreams and demons.

April 17, 2011


I drew this over a decade ago. I found it while going through some old notebooks.

There were demons in the dream I had early this morning. I tend to remember at least a little of my dreams if I am dreaming early in the morning, as compared to those I had late at night.. Maybe it’s my sleep cycle.. the time of dreaming being early in the morning. I don’t know how it all works.

It’s been quite awhile since I woke up. I’m guessing I woke up at hmm.. 8:30 this morning? It’s now just after 9 at night.

I have put off writing this entry until now because some things are hard to articulate, and I don’t remember all of the dream.

What I do remember is certainly odd. My old best friend.. someone I have not seen in many years, but who was my childhood best friend, and also for 2 years during highschool, before he moved out of state. Once he moved out of state for college, he stopped writing. He transferred to a college near Santa Barbara, CA, and I visited him twice in that area, and that was just about all I saw of him. Last time I saw him was perhaps 11 years ago. He used to come up to the part of CA where I lived.. lots and lots of times through the years, and never contacted me. I don’t know why. We never had a falling out. Strange, but then, he always was a strange person. Liked to keep to himself a lot of the time, very artistic and unconventional in his own way.

I don’t know why he never told me when he’d be up near where I lived.

What was pretty much the last straw for me was the woman he chose to marry..someone I really really did not like and who he’d dated before… things had gone quite wrong, yet they still decided to get engaged.. This happened somewhere in the jungles of Nicaragua. They were on a mission trip. Sitting on a log one day, they had a very short chat.. he and this young woman, and decided to get engaged. Just like that.

My old friend has been on my mind lately. I was talking about marriage, probably with my mom.. this might have been just a few days ago.. or it might not have been with my mom.. there’s a few people I converse with here and there, and the subject came up.. probably with my mom, though, because we were discussing my brother’s marriage, which isn’t exactly great, comparing his marriage to those of people we know or knew. My friend and his wife came up in conversation.

I don’t know how their marriage is now.. they’ve been married at least ten years.. maybe it is less rocky then it was..

But anyway.. I figure he turned up in my dream because he’d been on my mind.. because of a recent conversation.

Generally, it’s rare for people I know to show up in dreams. Usually when I am interacting with others in a dream, it is people I have never met in real life. I wonder if these people actually exist in waking life, and that, by dreaming, I am tapping into the collective unconscious that Carl Jung hypothesized existed… and still exists..

The idea that there is a sort of group mind that everybody shares. Jung wrote about mythology, and how so many myths from many parts of the world are so similar. He made a point that if all the world’s religions were wiped out today, with no trace of them at all, within a hundred years we would have created religions quite similar to those we have now. Something to do with being human.. having some of the same dreams and myths..

Maybe we are all connected, and people I talk with in dreams are real people also sleeping somewhere. It’s possible.

Or, maybe they are just constructs of my unconscious imagination. I don’t know. But I like the idea I am interacting with real people.. sort of like the idea, anyway.

In this dream, I was mainly talking to my friend, but he was much more unhinged than I’d ever seen him in real life, and he looked and sounded different.

He was dressed pretty much how he usually dressed in summer – jeans shorts, nondescript shirt, low top converse-type sneakers.

His hair was long in places though.. like neo-hippies wear their hair, and he had a strand that had a few clear beads in it, which I thought was odd.

He looked crazy.. and was very upset about..

Demons.

Yes, evil spirits. He was trying to fight them, by his lonesome, and was trying to get me to fight them too.

I remember in my dream, talking with him.. we were at the front desk in the lobby of a hotel somewhere. We had just been through an ordeal, maybe not battling the demons directly, but had exhausted ourselves doing research or tracking down information or physical objects to stop the demons.

I was exhausted, and he was tired, but still very intense, very manic. He suggested we right away get into our vehicle.. which was the kind of all-terrain vehicle you might see in documentaries and films set in Africa.. one of those old Range Rovers or Mercedes with the spare tire mounted onto the top of the hood. Faded army green in color.

He stressed that it was extremely important he hop right back in this vehicle and make a 9 hour drive to .. seemed like Hollywood or some place like that in Southern California. I don’t know where we were at.. where the hotel was at. Things don’t always make sense in my dreams.. and so where we were might not literally have been Northern California.. a location 9 hours away.. could have been anywhere.. things feel different in dreams.. told you this was hard to articulate in words.

I was bummed, because I thought we’d each get a room and go to sleep. I was dead tired. I couldn’t recall where we’d been or what we’d done, except that it had been something like what you’d see in an Indiana Jones movie.. traipsing to untamed parts of the globe in search of magical artifacts, braving many dangers.. stuff like that was what we had been up to, so no wonder I felt tired and wanted to check into the hotel and sleep.

So here we are at the front desk, and I’m thinking I’m finally going to get some rest. And he says, no, we need to take this drive, he wants to drive 9 more hours and I need to ride along.

We have to pick up some magic bullet of sorts, with an engraving on it. This is supposed to help us stop demons.. somehow, not exactly using the bullet to shoot at them.. but to use as a sort of talisman.. use of a magical item for protection or to cause banishment or damage to a spiritual creature.. something like that.

I got the magic bullet image from the movie “Wanted,” which is quite a violent, wild film, and has special bullets engraved with various things.. but the movie does not have any demons in it, and in that film, the bullets are used for shooting and killing people.

Anyway.. I said no.

Then there was a part where I was sitting in a room, and heard and sort of saw relatives.. my brother and my mom.. mostly them, telling me my friend was crazy, and that the demons he wanted so desperately to fight off were not real, and that I should just relax.

It was a strange feeling. I thought of the movie “The Matrix,” and how being plugged into the matrix was more peaceful than the real world which neo woke up when he took one of the pills.

I felt that maybe the real world was the one with my maniacal friend and hordes of demons, and that more peaceful world I could relax into was fake, but it would feel real, just as if I were plugged into the matrix.

But I found being relaxed and getting away from my friend and his demons was the right and natural thing to do.

I also felt that my friend was crazy, and his demons were really just delusions, and that somehow, when I was near him, the delusions and hallucinations he experienced were things I somehow experienced too. That he was infecting my mind.. not doing it intentionally, but still, I saw what he saw. This was another reason to get away from him.

This image of him, as I had earlier described.. dressed the same, hair the same, but this time he had some kinds of magical items with him.. some amulet or several of them.. one sort of a sun pendant, like the aztecs used, perhaps, and a mounted stone on another pendant.. at least two necklaces around his neck. And I somehow knew that he had special ashes or some sort of ancient tobacco in one of his pockets of his jeans shorts, and that these things were for defense.

He looked sad, because he could tell I was fading from him and his world, or the world his mind created, and he was fading from me.

But before the dream ended..

There was an intense montage, a rapid series of images scrolled across my vision and mind..

A dark battlefield where two bright yet demonic armies surged toward each other. The armies of demons fought each other.

The word “hyperion” came to my mind. This was the name of one of the demonic kingdoms involved in the battle. I’ve read lots of books and exposed myself to many many other sources of information for so many years, but don’t remember coming across the word “hyperion.”

I just googled it.. according to Wikipedia, there are many references and meanings for the word hyperion. The first listing is “a titan deity.” The titans were part of Greek mythology.. gods that were defeated by another group of gods.. called the olympians. I can’t cut and paste the Wikipedia article.. but it says Hyperion was the Titan deity of light.. in the East, and that he was the first to figure out the movements of the sun and moon.. something like that.

Toward the end of the article, it tells of an upcoming film called “Immortals,” Hyperion is a king who wages war on humanity and the gods (the Olympians, the Olympians are the more well known Greek gods.. such as Zues and Apollo), and free the Titans.

So there is an association of evil and war with the name Hyperion, but it is not from Greek mythology, but a new interpretation of old legends, created by a film maker.

Hyperion is also the name of one of the moons of the planet Saturn. The planets, with the exception of Earth, were named for Roman deities. Saturn was the god of agriculture and harvest. His Greek name was Cronus. In Greek mythology, Cronus was the brother of Hyperion, the Titan deity I mentioned earlier..

The other references.. Hyperion is the name of an emperor in an anime series, a small moon of the planet Saturn, the name for not one, but several comics characters, the titles of various poems and books, the name of a book publisher, names for various things in certain sci-fi novels and tv shows, and is used by several computer software and business companies. Yes, this name has been used a lot. Perhaps I have come across it in waking life .. somehow.

That word stuck in my mind as I was waking up. The dominant power .. the stronger and older demonic kingdom in my dream was the Empire of Hyperion.

Hmm…

When I was watching these two armies advance quickly two groups of light flowing toward each other, I thought of street gangs that occupied the city in CA where I lived. There were two main types of Mexican gangs that fought t each other, but where I lived, there just weren’t very many gang members from one of the gangs.. there weren’t near enough of them for their rivals to fight, so their rivals turned on each other. One group sporting the same general name and the same color as other groups would fight each other.. they would turn on each other because there was no one else to fight.

I don’t know why the demon armies felt they had no other enemies to fight, and so turned on each other.

I saw this battlefield from afar. It was night. At first all was dark, then two hordes appeared, all the demons lit up brightly, and they surged toward each other. Two huge armies. But before they clashed, there were other images which I saw.. different images.

I found myself looking up into the night sky, and saw a dragon-like demon, almost like a bird, flying across the sky, its wings burning and throwing off flame and sparks. This was a scary and haunting image.

I think there were other images, but they passed by so fast that I don’t clearly remember them.

The last one was the most scary for me. My closet doors were open, and grey and black smoke was billowing out, with faces of several demons formed of the smoke flowing toward me.

Then I started to wake up.. at first I thought I saw the closet doors as being open, but with no demons, just the shelves in there, clothes etc. After that.. maybe I didn’t fully wake up for awhile.. not sure.. perhaps in a state of half-sleep for awhile. When I woke up fully, the closet doors were closed, just as I’d left them, not open, as in the dream.

I was not terrified by these dreams, because I’ve tended to feel somewhat removed from events in the dreams I’ve had.. not totally mentally involved in them .. I can’t quite explain this.. some people are totally absorbed in and by their dreams, but I’m not. So I was only a little bit scared and shaken when I woke up.

But still..

Demons..

Why demons?

I don’t know..

While browsing netflix a few nights ago, I happened upon a documentary on the subject of satanic death metal groups in Scandinavia during the 1990’s. I’ve read a little about these insane people who formed these extreme metal bands.. mostly in Sweden, but also a few from Finland and Norway.

This subject intrigues me. What an odd subculture.

I decided to put this documentary at the top of my list, and am expecting it will arrive in the mail tmw. and I will watch it tmw. evening.

Perhaps, since I was wanting to learn about these satanic bands in far northern Europe, I dreamed of demons?

Possible.

Also, I’ve been off and on fascinated by Paganism.. white magic, but still, troubling. I was raised a Christian, and was a Christian for over 20 years. I was repeatedly..over and over, taught that ALL forms of witchcraft were demonic.. of the devil, entirely evil and dangerous, and that I should stay away from all of that.

I don’t, for the most part, believe this way anymore. I tend to believe that Wiccans and others involved in white magic are doing good in the world.

But still, there is an association with evil, due to my being a Christian for so long.

Also, on the meetup website for the area in which I live, there are not only several white magic groups, but one with an upside-down pentagram as their logo.. the sign satanists and other black magicians use. Groups that practice black magic – evil magic – claim they follow the Left Hand Path. The dark path of magic.

I read a little about their group, and actually liked the logo, even though I am not nor ever will be a satanist or black magician .. likely will not be a magician or witch of any sort.

But these thoughts and images.. of death metal bands and a black magic group.. these have been on my waking mind.. and must have filtered down to my dreaming mind.

Are demons real?

That part, I don’t know..

In the past, when I sometimes thought of paganism, I thought… “some of it is bullshit, and the rest of it you do NOT want to mess with.” In other words, some pagan teachings and practices are empty and useless, and the rest are extremely dangerous and involve demons, whether the pagan practitioners mean to invoke demons or not.

I don’t know if this is true, and often don’t believe this, but sometimes I do..

Maybe demons are real.

I associated my friend with the character of graphic novels and a movie named John Constantine.. a man who battled demons.

The movie “Constantine” really made me think and wonder.

Perhaps there really is a spiritual world behind the veil of everyday existence.

Perhaps demons do exist.

Do I really want to find out?

No, I’d rather not.

I consider myself a skeptic, but I am not going to try to call up a demon just to prove demons don’t exist.. by there being no demons showing up when I call them.

I am certainly not going to try that!

If there are really demons, I am going to let them be.

Maybe it isn’t even wise to watch movies like “Constantine,” or one of my favorites, “Hellboy,” which is about a demon who turns good and battles other demons. Maybe it is unwise to watch a documentary about satanic rock groups in Scandinavia.

I don’t know.

I feel that it is not dangerous to watch films..

But it just might be QUITE dangerous to get involved in pagan practices, especially the kind practiced by those of the left hand path.

Regarding demons, I just don’t know.

As I was waking up, I thought of two other associations with the word “Demons.”

One was the book called “The Golden Compass,” a fantasy story in which all the people had “daemons” that shared the same soul as each human. Each human had a daemon, and the daemon took the form of an animal.

Although the daemons spiritually connected to their humans were only as evil or good as their human counterparts.. in other words, good people were connected to good daemons, etc. – I still didn’t like the idea of people being connected to daemons. That’s one reason why, although I bought the book, and saw the film based on it, I haven’t read the book. I don’t know if I will.

When I went to the pagan class I mentioned in an earlier post, I looked around the small area where the pagan groups meet. There was a bookshelf with loads of magickal books.. most of them on various forms of white magic, with a few left hand path books as well. The only fiction books were “The Golden Compass,” and its two sequels. I found this a bit disturbing.

There was one reference to demons I thought of as I was waking up that was happy, not disturbing.

There is a song by Macy Gray and Fatboy Slim called “Demons.”

It’s mostly a happy song.. great to listen too, and in the chorus it says..”All of your demons will wither away, ecstasy comes and they cannot stay.. you’ll understand if you come my way, because all of my demons have withered away.”

I like that.

I’ve not exactly experienced ecstasy in my life.. ecstatic feelings and emotions, but I thought every kind of good feeling can drive demons away.

The kind of demon I am talking about here is not a literal demon. I am using the word as a metaphor.. like when people who are fighting drug or alcohol addictions say they are battling demons.

We all have our demons.. our struggles, our dark side.. what we battle with.

Whether these demons are real, or just metaphors for addictions and temptations.. I do not know.

Another mystery.

I was feeling good for awhile this afternoon and evening, but writing this entry has creeped me out. I am almost tempted to delete it.

I worry about this being bad luck.. posting this entry. I feel unsettled.

But, it has taken a long time to write, and it is true, and I desire to write about many things in my life that go through my mind or that I experience.. and find interesting.

I felt that this dream, and this subject matter, although troubling, was important to write about.

I’ll try to think some happier thoughts now, and make the demons wither away.

I will choose not to be afraid.

And I will anticipate much more peaceful dreams tonight.

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