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dreams, more dreams, but some happy.

July 10, 2011

Some parts of the dream I hardly remembered at all even while I was still dreaming. Some might have shown up as I was waking up and laying in bed awake.

Some parts that I vaguely remember might not have happened chronologically either.

Anyway.. from some distance.. unless it was me viewing myself? Far away saw these hot women, almost like comic book-ish.. one then another then another.. joining a guy in a pool.. natural pool or swimming pool, then them in bed, surrounding him.. again seen this from afar mostly.. and not close enough to see all the.. private parts..

And I thought.. might feel good surrounded and.. intimately embraced by at least 6 very healthy women with lots of curves..

That part was very brief.. seconds..

I know where I got parts of it, though..

Back in the ’90’s there was this program.. can’t remember the name of it, which surprises me, because I watched it a lot. It was on VH1, when VH1 was still playing shows that actually had to do with music.. MTV was already heading higgledy-piggledy down the dark path of non-musical shows.

I think MTV invented “reality Tv” with their “Real World” series and the spinoffs.

But, VH1, which had a target audience that was older, still was putting on music shows.

There was this documentary series.. hour long episodes.. ah yes, it was called “Behind the Music.”

The program tended to feature hard rock acts.. and after awhile, although the bands changed, the stories were pretty much the same..

Band in their early days, playing in bars and clubs.. discovered by some already famous rock star or record producer.. story as old as the hills, pardon the cliche.. I hate to read those.. so probably shouldn’t type them..

Band gets famous, goes on the road, gets crazy..groupies! Drugs! Oh yes, the debauchery!

Band members end up with hideous drug habits.. sometimes a member of a band dies or has a horrible accident..

Fast forward 10 to 20 years (most of the bands were from the ’80’s and some earlier..) band gets clean, the guys often have their hair shorter, no makeup.. etc.

Metallica was featured on one of these shows..

It was either the main dude James Hetfield or the other main dude, Lars Ulirch.. I think it was Hetfield, who talked about being on the raod..

He said.. “5 women washing you down in the shower after a gig, not a bad feeling.”

Haven’t seen that show in a very long time. But that comment apparently stayed with me in my unconcscious.

Damnit, I still don’t know the difference between the subconscious and the unconscious. More research needed.

So, there was that.. when I say the scene was comic-bookish.. it was like the women were or the scene was from the ’70’s and the women were dressed immodestly in ’70’s style..and it was like for a moment they were illustrated in comic book fashion, a scene with several groupies, blonde mostly, but in the foreground a hot black chick with a green sleeveless top and bandana wrapped around her afro.

And like I mentioned before.. this part was very quick.. that comic scene, then from far away a guy in a mountain pool, and from outside the shot, two women then..more at least five.. six? And I thought.. that’s ridiculous,.. but fun anyway.. Then even more brief.. second or two, big bed with several of these women in it..

These scenes I’m describing.. went through my dreaming mind in less than 30 seconds..

Then, as in all my dreams, scene and perspective change.

There’s this conference center in the Santa Cruz mountains I worked at for 3 summers. Most of the time miserable there, but some of the time very good to be with people and hang out.. staff of just over 100.. summer staff for the busy season.. but we all formed smaller groups.. just organically.. people we clicked with most..

It was the summers of ’92, ’93, and ’94.

Many years after, sometime into the past decade, my mind created a place that was sort of like the conference center I worked at.. and yet not really.

But I understood it to be my dreaming mind’s version of where I worked.

In past years of dreaming, I would return to some of the same places.. in many dreams.. places that didn’t look exactly like any place I’d been in waking life.

This was one of these places.

Unlike most dreams in this setting, I was happy. I’d gone back for a forth summer.

In a dream a few years ago, I’d gone back for a 4th summer and it was terrible.. even worse than my waking life summers there

This time I was happy.. but I hardly have any memories at all why.

In these dreams set in the conference center, it’s always first person..or almost always..yeah. Maybe always.. I am experiencing things first person.. just like I do in waking life.

Hardly any memory of what went on.. something to do with this guy named David who was mentally impaired but yet.. difficult to say.. sort of a mystic perhaps.. tuned into a different wavelength? In certain cultures, those with shamans, people who appear to be mentally ill are considered to be closer to the mystical or spirit world.

Anyway.. there wasn’t this huge spiritual vibe coming off this guy..and maybe he was just mostly mentally impaired, but he was well-liked.

He reminded me of a guy that was part of a day program that I worked for some years ago. I worked with many developmentally disabled people, and there was this guy with brown hair who .. was retarded (not a politically correct phrase of course.. but this is my blog, not some public discourse), but not seriously so.. some odd behaviour.. obviously “off” in some way but a savant too.. could remember just about any title of any song on a country or classic rock station and tell you the band, and, I was told, he could play the piano by ear.. but I never heard him. Couldn’t sing worth a darn.. but anyway.

I am guessing this guy was how do I put it? One reason there was a dude with thick brown hair who was impaired, but well-liked?

Impaired in a different way somewhat than the guy I worked with/took care of, along with a lot of other folks.

This guy in my dream was named David. He hardly related to us at all, the people he worked with or was around. He had a far-off expression, talked to himself, not clear what he said.. sometimes held up one finger to his lips, but this was not a gesture aimed at us, his fellow co-workers.. or maybe he didn’t work but was still part of the community.

When one of us would say, “Hey David,” or something like that, try to get his attention.. he’d just look annoyed, say “shhhh..” and return immediately to whatever was going on in his mind.

He and I were, part of some show or ceremony.. like when people are I don’t know, walking on a raised platform like in a fashion show, or like when people head up to get a diploma?

There we were.. on this raised runway.. dressed like normal, but with a crowd on each side, cheering, camera flashes going off.. yeah.. wasn’t like going up to get a diploma.. more the atmosphere of a fashion show.

David and I were walking together across this runway.. but we obviously were NOT models.

David was still in his world mentally, sometimes with one finger to his lips, very pale.

I was walking with him and thinking.. what the hell is this??? It was very surreal. I felt removed from the crowds.. and had absolutely no idea what was going on. Had no idea why I was there or what I was doing.. Only person I knew was David,, and I couldn’t exactly ask him what was going on.

That scene lasted less than a minute too..

The other scene with David was just him walking through the dorm hallway.. the dorm hallway looking almost identical to the ones in the actual two story men’s dorm where most of us guys lived, except the hallway in the dream was somewhat wider, and the paint a bit more yellow… like it had been painted in the ’70’s, yet still looked fresh.

That was pretty much for the conference center part of the dream..

While still dreaming, but in another part of the dream, I was telling a young woman a little about my summer.

Going through my memory of that summer, couldn’t remember much.. what I wrote about already, and also an even more brief memory of having had a conversation .. very short conversation with a guy, who in waking life was a grade ahead of me in a school I attended back in the ’80’s. I barely knew this kid, but he seemed nice enough. We had the same name.

On very rare occasions, people I’ve not seen in over a decade.. and it’s almost always people I barely knew.. have walked through or been a very brief part of my dream…

So this guy was there in my dream briefly, but in the dream he’d been at the conference center, working there too.

The next part of the dream, it was near dusk, nice setting, a huge backyard maybe? Nice place.. after dusk I think.. yard fenced in, but it was a half-acre or something. Grass like you’d find in the country, not a well-manicured lawn like that found in the yards of middle-class city types, or rich people.

A pool somewhere in the backyard.. and farther then that.. a place set jungle gym kind of thing for kids.. painted red..a wooden play set. I had the feeling that the kids who had played on it were older now.

I was talking with this woman who in waking life I worked with in 1998 at a camp.

Her name was Katrina. She was blonde, big-boned.. not a bad face, not the best hairstyle, but very large breasts.

She was an assistant supervisor, and not a nice person.

I remember (not in the dream, but in waking life) sitting around the staff campfire. Katrina wasn’t there.. maybe had passed by and said something with an unpleasant tone of voice, then walked off.. or something like that.

A guy and couple of the girls were talking about her, and I think it was the guy who mumbled about Katrina saying, “She’s so uptight, she needs to get laid.” He didn’t sound like he wanted to be the one to assist Katrina. The girls nodded their heads. There was no sexual vibe to the conversation.. more one of animosity toward Katrina.. wishing someone would have sex with her to mellow her out..

And I thought.. hmmm..

No, nothing happened between Katrina and I except once while she was reprimanding me for something stupid.. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but she was being bitchy anyway., while she was chastising me, she made contact with one of my elbows.. her breast against it and then leaning into me further.. more and more of her breast pushed against my elbow.

Left me both irritated with her and turned on. Talk about a mixed message she was sending me!

That was it though. She never got much nicer, but wasn’t around that much at camp, and we tried to stay out of her way.

Katrina in my dream was lots nicer. We had a friendly enough conversation. She was asking me about my summer. I am guessing it was late summer when me and Katrina were talking. I always left the conference center in late summer.

Where we were, Katrina and I.. definitely had a feel to it of being sort of out in the country back in the area of California where I used to live. Felt good out there.

I told Katrina.. best summer out there.. (4th one was the best).. I felt really good about this.. even though, as I’ve already written, could remember almost nothing about it.

And yet, reminiscing, just felt really pleased about how the summer went. I smiled. Felt good, she smiled too.

Then she said something like, “Tell me about David.. I heard you were friends.. worked with him.. he’s sexy.”

I don’t know how she knew or knew about David, considering she wasn’t there.. and her thinking David was sexy, that left me stumped. Didn’t have anything to say.

Next part of the dream..

Daylight.. I’m out in a field somewhere. Just dry yellowed grass. Guessing it was sort of like summer, although it didn’t feel especially hot in the dream, the temperature did not come to my attention at all. A warm day I suppose, not cold, but certainly not hot either.

There was a very narrow .. I mean really narrow.. probably 2 feet or less across.. irrigation ditch of some sort. Only a trickle of water flowing through it.

I noticed some very small but hostile creatures in the tiny canal., ants or I don’t know what..

I was concerned though.. thought “I’d better look into this, this is not good.”

Looked/walked just a little bit further, to the left of me, and saw that there was a roof of sorts over this little ditch, and the trickle of water past through it.

Somehow without even bending down much at all, I could see what was going on down there.. sort of.

Not a pretty sight.

Crablike monsters and other critters, some of them dead.. skeletal, parts of them, at the bottom on either sides of the water, but some alive.. crab claws waving.. on the live ones, of course.. mandibles of ants.. some suspended from the ceiling.

At least one or more of these creatures were from the movie “Constantine,” the part where a demon made of thousands of bugs (incredible special effects!) attacks John Constantine (modern day magician and excorcist.. in the movie played by Keaunu Reeves, him just wearing a basic black suit.. not looking like a ridiculous wanna-be wizard you might find at a pagan ritual) Constantine is attacked on a rainy night on a street in L.A.

The Constantine character is the main dude in a many-volume graphic novel series called “Hellblazer.” In the comics, Constantine looks a lot different, is British, and the main part of the story is set in London, not L.A. The filmakers changed a LOT in the movie.. probably pissing off (in American slang, pissing off means – making people angry, not getting drunk.. getting pissed.. in Britain, that means becoming intoxicated) a lot of fans of the graphic novel. I’d never read much of it.. so I didn’t mind much at all. Thought the movie was awesome. One of my favorite actresses.. perhaps my favorite actress, Rachel Weisz, was the co-star.

Why was a situation from the movie “Constantine” in my dream?

Before I went to bed, I was reading part of the first graphic novel… and thinking of the movie..

So that part makes sense.. the crab monster (which was just a bit larger than a regular crab.. actually some crabs like those ones they fish for in Alaska are just as big) and bugs .. made sense that they were in my dream.

In this little tunnel area in the creak, they were up to something..

For an instant, I caught a glimpse of a MUCH larger chamber, in which a headless, naked dead body was tied above his feet, his back to me, but obviously a he.. hanging suspended. Might have been a scene in the graphic novel I was reading. It’s a very evil series.. much more intense and evil than the movie.. and the movie is quite intense and evil.

Back to my view of the tiny ditch with these critters in it. I was a little freaked out but also angry,

Another strange glimpse.. can’t write about this one very well because it happened so fast, and didn’t relate that much if at all to what I was seeing..

Jeff Bridges as Rooster Cogburn in the remake of “True Grit,” which I’d watched on DVD a few weeks ago and months earlier in the theater.

And.. Dustin Hoffman..in a tan suit, like in the movie “Stranger than Fiction?” And a dusty scene from “No Country for Old Men?” Like the remake of “True Grit,” and unlike “Stranger than Fiction,” directed by the Coen Brothers.

Again. Like I said.. almost like snapshots.. first one actor, then the other, then a view of a West Texas desert, but none of the characters of that movie in the scene.. and neither Jeff Bridges nor Dustin Hoffman were in that movie, although Bridges has worked with the Coen brothers before, though Hoffman has not..

It was sort of like I could see into the minds of the critters in their little ditch tunnel, and they wanted the movie stars somehow.. to eat them or whatever.

That made me mad.

I got a hose. A few other people were near me bending down looking down at where I was putting the hose. Katrina might have been one of them or else some other friendly girl.. yeah.. this one was younger, I think, had brown hair perhaps?

I wasn’t paying much attention to these people, who were teenagers, I am guessing, and I was in my late twenties at the time?

I got a garden hose with one of those things you attach and squeeze to make a powerful jet.

I blasted out the tunnel.. blasted out the critters, little crab monsters, bugs, etc. until the tunnel area was clean. I was NOT going to let them have the movie stars.

This is a dream, don’t expect it all to make rational sense to our waking minds!

Ok.. next part..

Hmm.. a very short part perhaps.. that I can’t remember.

But then, it’s night, I am sitting on a cement bench that is round.. goes around a flower/landscaped area.

I am feeling rather confident, and satisfied.. very confident, and also smiling a mean smile to myself.. like ah yeah, I just did something tough.. I easily conquered somebody, some thing.. In this part of the dream, I had no recollection of the earlier part of the dream. But maybe I was feeling good because I’d blasted out those monsters?

I don’t know.. but was mostly just feeling really confident and good about myself.. not so much like I’d done something.. tough.. just felt that way for an instant, or else, right now, I am thinking I am just feeling that way.

As in parts of other dreams, I am experiencing this in first person and also can sort of see myself.. or some guy.. but feeling and thinking what that guy feels and thinks.. yeah like that.

This guy had blond hair (I used to.. when I was younger)

Dressed ’70’s like.. we, us guys, wore shorter shorts back then.. and athletic socks that went further up the calf..

Again.. maybe I am only seeing this in my mind’s eye now, and this perspective/view as not part of my dream..

I’m sitting on the cement bench.. can see myself, yet am experiencing.. I explained that already as best I could.

I’m looking down at a camera I’d just got. It’s the camera I’ve spent a lot of time researching this past week, and hope to buy and have sent to me as soon as my return of the camera ordered processes.

I’m looking at this new camera, thinking how cool it is, and that I got it, looking through a small manual with thin paper, poking at the camera a bit here and there, starting to figure it out.

There’s a couple behind me, in between are the tall dense plants.. partially pink.. with pale, barely yellowish stalks.. I was glad there were all these plants in between us.

The young woman was getting up, saying she wanted to see what I was working on.

This irritated me, and I mumbled something, and returned my full attention to the camera.

Next segments I don’t remember as well.

Just very short views..

Something about Katrina dressed in 18th century garb.. like something out of “The Scarlett Letter,” (no, she didn’t have an “A” embroidered on the front of her garment) or else she was dressed like women do in a Ren faire.. but more modestly. Women in (yeah, like I’m going to spell this right) Rennaissance faires tend to sport a lot of cleavage.

Katrina’s blousy top did have a V-neck.. short one, not revealing, and was laced up with brown leather laces anyway. Her top was khaki-like.. off-white.. sort of.. long skirt and cape/cloak very dark grown, and white hat of some sort. She looked friendly and smiled, but was more shy, and maybe a little sad about something? I don’t know. Just saw her for an instant.

And then another segment involving cameras.. I had my new one, but kept an older more primitive model.. made years ago. (that was digital?). A far simpler model, dusty even, but made in Japan, so I kept it because it was still good. Other people thought it odd that I had this camera.

Can’t remember these last segments much.. nothing at all dramatic.

Was I going to take pictures of somebody?

I don’t know.

Me in a house, a small bedroom, taking the older camera off a high shelf in a closet. I’m tall, but I still had to reach up a little. Camera greyish with dust.

Me back on that cement bench, not full night yet? Or just more well lit by a street light, and less late at night, but still warm enough that I am wearing shorts.. a little bit humid but with a little night breeze? That’s how it was earlier when I was out on that bench at night..?

And I’m sitting there, waiting, but not at all irritated, only sort of waiting.. for who or what? A certain time for something?

Sitting there.. the newer camera on my lap, but this time, not in its box and no manual, so I am assuming I know how to use it.

And am holding the strap to the older camera, which is on the bench next to me.

And that is it, as far as I remember.

I felt mellow, pleasant and happy waking up.

Just about every time I wake up, and am starting to get out of bed, and for a little while later, I am having a panic attack, and have tinnitus.

I have tinnutis now because I am hungery.. have been hungry for awhile now, trying to type out all this.. just past 3,800 words.. there is a mosquito in the room, I think, and it might have already bit me on my head., which is bald..

Am typing fast, have been the whole time.. but am typing better than I have been past couple weeks..

So have tinnitus again, and am my usual irritated rushed self.. not anxious about anything though.. so that’s good..

Irritated that this is taking too long?

Wondering if anyone at all is going to read this, do I have any regular readers… or is it just me? Typing this out because I feel it’s important enough to do so..

When I remember my dreams, and they are interesting enough.. lately, I’ve been typing them out.. as best I could.

Well, that’s it for now.

Going to wrap this up.. already starting to feel a bit of vertigo.. been getting that lately if I spend too much time looking at a screen, especially at a computer screen, breath much too shallow, concentrating almost furiously on what I’m doing.. writing a posting here or researching cameras or working on my budget or whatever.. and in a slightly wobbly chair.. plus I’m hungry..

so yeah.. better finish..

Just past the 4,000 word mark.

A long post.

If you read this. thanks. Hope it was interesting. must be at least somewhat interesting to read what other people dream about..and how their dreams are.

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