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beach, below, familiar faces, movie stars, the middle east, different version of a famous death, overly long title and other nocturnal wanderings of my unconscious mind

July 24, 2011

I’m on the beach, there, but not important. It’s quite sunny, but not hot. Weather pleasant. I’m wearing jeans, dark purple jeans? Old leather boots. Some kind of plaid shirt, with a dark green faded vest that feels almost like a think life preserver almost? Don’t feel exactly well-dressed.

Windy, but not so strong a wind that the wind blows sand. And even though it is windy, there aren’t waves. I don’t find this odd.

I’m looking and feeling kinda down, at least partly because of what I’m wearing, but mainly because I’m not important at all, just here on the beach, watching what is going on. Depressed.

I look down the stretch of beach. Excited men, in Middle Eastern garb. Holding old rifles, but not pointed at us, holding them up in the air.

Osama bin Laden had just been killed. His body in an upturned part of an old steel boat, the boat partially buried in the sand. Looked like a landing craft, one of those used on D-Day.. leftover from WW2. But we were not on the beach in Normandy though, but somewhere in the Middle East, even though the weather is nice, not burnin’ hot.

I and some other American guys had just arrived on the scene. Seemed I got there first? But again, not important, not really noticed. The other guys ran past me.

No sign of the special forces guys who killed bin Laden. He was already dead. They had left, just killed the guy, then continued their run up the beach as if they were exercising. Nowhere in sight.

The Middle Eastern guys said, “It was a Mongol who spotted bin Laden.”

There, just offshore, but where the water was deep enough, no waves, just gently bobbing, was a Mongolian guy, looking not only wet of course but unkempt, shabby. He was tangled somewhat in netting that was part of some sort of flotation device. Life preserver type things attached to the netting. There was more netting of sorts behind him, and a long line of yellow floating material attached to white netting that stretched down the shoreline. Sort of netting like that used to keep out sharks? I don’t know. The Mongolian man was safe from drowning but wasn’t able to go anywhere, that is if mongols could swim?

No on had bothered to pull him in, and he was not pleased. He looked like he felt both stupid and annoyed that he was still in the water.

The Middle Eastern guys on the beach said he had fallen off a boat, a military boat, an aircraft carrier. Later, after I woke up, I thought it highly unlikely that Mongolians would have aircraft carriers.. considering that Mongolia is a primitive, landlocked country. The Mongolians mostly go riding around horses, practicing shamanism and herding yaks, or is it musk oxen, or are yaks and must oxen the same? And milking these furry creatures, and making yak butter.

Anyway, back to the dream and the scene on the beach..

The mongol said he had a bomb. George Clooney, wearing combat fatigues – light brown military type t-shirt and camo pants, jumped in to the water and it took him a minute or so to swim out to the guy. Clooney was pissed. Even more pissed (for those of you outside the USA, when we say pissed we mean pissed off, as in irritated or angry.)

Turns out the mongol was not holding a bomb. Clooney grabbed the Mongol’s arm and they both held up what looked like a very shiny silvery thing shaped like a banana, sort of. It caught the light, being that it was a sunny day.

The silvery thing was enclosed in one of those plastic containers used to get a salad from a restaurant to go.. you know.. carry-out.. black lower part of the containter and clear upper part of plastic.

Clooney dragged in the Mongol with the non-bomb.

Scene change.. no longer on the beach. For just a moment, a picture, small, in a dark background. the T-shirt off-white, almost a very light yellow.

On the T-shirt an icon of sorts, like those seen in some Catholic or Orthodox churches. Only in the middle of the stylized rays of light was a mad man in a turban with a psychotically insane (yes I know that’s redundant, but I want to emphasize the look) and dangerous super huge cartoonish yet menacing grin on his face.

It was a bin Laden T-shirt.

Some sicko had made such a shirt.

Although this was not actually printed on the shirt, just above it or to the side of it were the words “St. Osama.” I was horrified at such a shirt.

Scene change.. backstage at a theater, not a movie theater, but one where there are plays and music concerts. Below the stage, actually. Dark walls, not a refined place, but such places are not.

Along a sturdy work table is bin Laden’s body, with a turban and a white loin cloth. No blood visible. doesn’t stink, just laying there.

Not of any importance really, just there. And then, as nobody is paying attention to it, I don’t see it anymore, it is not in the rest of this part of the dream.

Again, I am there, but just on the periphery watching. I’m like a very unimportant person there, feeling left out and slightly depressed about it.

Cool people are around though.

No Clooney this time, but Robert De Niro has the Mongol up against a wall, facing him. De Niro is holding a gun near the mongol’s eye, and De Niro is his usual pissed off just on the border of violence self with that expression of his like he is just about to kill the guy.

He’s asking the mongol how the mongol knew where Osama bin Laden was. The mongol was scared but kept shaking his head and saying “I don’t know.” I felt like he did, sort of know, but didn’t want to say. De Niro thought so as well, and put the gun closer.

I was standing back a bit, just to De Niro’s right. And I. looking over at the Mongol, said, “That’s a .380, it’s small but it has a kick.” The first time I spoke in the whole dream.

I looked over to the right, saw Leonardo DiCaprio, and I say “DiCaprio, you’ve shot a .380, right?”

The reason I say this is that DiCaprio had a .380 in the movie “The Departed.” He probably shot a replica of the gun during the making of the film. I figured shooting a replica of the gun, the gun still had a kick to it, even though shooting blanks.

Later, when I woke up, I figured both Di Nero and DiCaprio were there because both of them had worked many times with Scorsese.

Instead of answering, DiCaprio just gets into the primitive looking elevator used to go up to the stage. He has a very humorous mad (as in crazy, not angry) grin on his face, and holds up an index finger to indicate “sshhhhh.” So we were quiet.

He went up a little ways in the elevator, and we noticed an orchestra had been playing. We couldn’t hear it that well. It stopped. DiCaprio comes back down, only this time, he has a young woman sitting in a chair, like those cheap plastic chairs found on stages in high schools or low rent colleges. I had the feeling we were on the campus of a junior college (a community college). The girl…not attractive, and looking a little surprised but mostly displeased.

She is wearing a loose long sleeve white top, with baggy dark skirt.. uniform for being in a school orchestra.

The orchestra has stopped. The girl in the chair is holding a violin and bow. She’d just been playing before DiCaprio lowered her down to where we were.

We all of course thought this was funny.

Next scene, in a strip mall of sorts. hot, summer time, strip mall mostly bare. Long parking lot. Not dressed for the summer heat. Still in wearing the close I had while on the beach.

Way down the parking lot, De Niro, somehow a bit younger De Niro? Is frogmarching the Mongolian along, he’s walking, sort of but being forced by De Niro, who is gripping the man’s arm.

De Niro is really irritated. He’s pulling the mongol across the parking lot, which is empty, except for maybe a couple cars parked nowhere near the businesses along the way.

Some old women, walking along the sidewalk where the restaurants, buffet places and so on are closed, look over and are a bit shocked and hurry on.

Sun is kinda glaring in my eyes. De Niro is off with the mongol to get him food. There’s a McDonalds open, but I get the feeling there are no customers there, just a couple employees, it is morning, but too damn hot for hardly anyone to be around.

De Niro and the Mongol come back with a sausage or something like that. De Niro figures that is what mongols eat, and they are headed back the way they came, but I can hardly see them because of the incredibly bright sun.

If you are reading this blog expecting a big ending, or conclusion to the dream.. This is a dream. Some of my dreams do have an ending, then I wake up. Some dreams don’t have a conclusion, and I just wake up.

There are other parts of the dream though. As in other dreams are have, the parts don’t relate to each other. Different scenes, different parts. Some of these in this particular dream took place before the scenes I just described. What I mean is, I dreamed these parts before being on the beach or downstairs in the theater. These earlier segments I mostly don’t remember as well so I will recount what I can.

There was some kind of safe house, that looks just like the one I live in, but in the dream I did not live there, was standing outside of it. It was a home school type place to not only educate kids, but to keep them safe, some of the kids were somehow important..families well known or whatever.

The kid in particular who this part of the dream about was a boy in his early teens who had a permanent scowl on his face and was a jerk. He was just like this kid I met back in 2000, the son of a wannabe preacher. A really unpleasant kid.

Then there was some sort of parent teacher conference, and this kid’s academic marks were being gone over and he wasn’t doing well.

Then back to outside of the house.

I had the impression that the kid really wanted out,but someone or some people were trying to get him, didn’t quite know where he was. So he had to stay, but it was like he was about ready to leave, and could not be physically restrained, so could walk out yet didn’t.. like he knew better, so that even though he was feeling really stubborn and really wanted to leave, to do the rebellious thing, he knew better than to leave.

Earlier part of a dream.

I’m back at the house where I lived in California. (I just moved from there to Idaho some months back) I’m talking across the fence of the backyard with a neighbor next door, who was my neighbor in real life. In the dream, there is no overgrowth of vines on the fence, and the fence is shorter, His backyard is just a tiny bit bigger that it actually was, and it is thrashed. Grass dead and all torn up. Mostly dried but some more fresh dogshit everywhere.

My neighbor’s yard back in CA was not nearly that bad. Occasionally there was a faint unpleasant smell. I could tell he hadn’t picked up the poops in a few days. It was rare any foul odor wafted over the fence. But in the dream, the condition of the yard and the smell were really bad.

In the dream, his pug gets through a gap in the fence. In waking life, he did have a pug, but it never go through the fence, and it didn’t have a very impatient and annoyed attitude like the one in the dream. Some slightly larger dogs, two of them walking a round a bit. They don’t look dangerous, just milling about lazily. Seemed like fairly stupid dogs.

As I wrote already, my neighbor really did have a pug. Back in CA. And another small dog, but that one he didn’t have in the dream, it was two larger dogs.

We are talking about me moving over there.

Which part of me thought as strange, like “Why am I doing this?” Part of my wakeful consciousness was wondering this because the neighbor and I didn’t get along that well when I was living across the fence from him. The same mild tension between us in waking life was there in the dream too.

We were talking about rental rates if I wanted to live there.

I looked over the fence to his side, and down. Smelled the un-picked-up dog shit, and the dogs and the thrashed yard and was thinking, “why the hell would I want to move there?”

We talked for a few minutes. He kind of his usual self, sort of slightly unpleasant.

When I’d first met him in waking life, my first impression of him wasn’t so great, and I was right. Not a horrible guy, but not someone worth being friends with.

So it seemed odd to me I was talking about moving into his place. Why I don’t know.. maybe my parents were moving away, or I was just getting sorta tired of them.

That part of the dream didn’t last long. I think the part with the kid.. after or before ? I don’t know.

There was another very short part.. not sure in what order it was..

I’m at home in the yellow house, the one which I stood outside of in the part with the surly kid, but in that part of the dream I was not living there.

In this part, I was. I was just outside the front door.

There was this incredibly gorgeous woman, astonishing. More gorgeous than pretty much any woman I’ve seen in real life or in the movies.

Very thick flowing brown hair, lovely brown eyes, huge smile. She was wearing a cotton flowing white shirt, sort of frilly. Not skin tight.

She had on brown jeans that were kinda tight. She looked sort of like she was going to go out horseback riding, but didn’t have the ridiculous outfit women wear when they are horse jumping.. like in the Olympics.. the tight tan pants, black jacket, goofy black helmet of sorts.

No, this woman looked just slightly like she was dressed in western wear.

She was overjoyed to see me, or just overjoyed? She kept smiling and turned around in a circle with her arms raised to show just how truly incredible she was.

Most attractive women seem to me to be either sexy or women I’d feel more romantic toward. I would think of some women as being very cute, but not sexy. Or, more often.. attractive, sort of cute, but more sexy.. like I’d want to just screw them, not have a long term relationship with them.

It is extraordinarily rare that I will see a woman who looks beautiful and sexy at the same time. That’s the kind of woman I want to be involved with for a very long time.

This woman looked like that only then some.. absolutely incredible.

I was feeling depressed.. quite low, thinking it was not at all possible this woman, this astonishing beauty was here to see me, wanted to go out with me.

Next seen, I see myself sort of in profile, we are at a baseball game. I see myself sort of in profile, because my dad and I were at a minor league game, and he took a picture of me and the rest of the crowd, and I was in profile in the shot.

Then I’m there seated at a large minor league game, it’s near dusk, and the woman is seated at my right. Our arms are sort of linked.

I look like I do in another picture of me.. wearing a plaid shirt with a life vest over.. that’s sort of how I looked in that other segment of the dream. Except I’m wearing a black baseball cap.

I’m still down. I still feel totally unworthy of being with this woman. And, like in waking life, instead of enjoying the closeness of a woman, I feel sort of numb and detached. A very unpleasant feeling.

In waking life though, I have at times felt this way when somewhat sexually involved with various women.

I’ve never been in a more romantic kind of a relationship with anyone worthwhile or very attractive like this smiling beauty next to me who is in her mid to late twenties..

And I am bummed partially because here I am, in a situation I have never experienced before, with a woman who is incredible and smiling and very affectionate towards me.. in a very warm physical way that isn’t sexual. There’s a difference, and it can feel really really good this warm way.. somehow I know.

But I’m not feeling good.. not feeling absolutely wonderful and overjoyed as I should feel.

I’m feeling really depressed, because here I am finally in a situation I’ve always dreamed of, and I feel detached in this situation too.

That part of the dream ends.

Next scene. This one, if I remember right, takes place last, before I wake up..

Back in the theater, under the stage. Again, I am not the important person in the room. Just there. No one really paying attention.

There is a young woman there, standing near the center of the room. She looks just slightly like the incredible woman from the previous scene, this one has brown thick hair, only not looking amazing, plain slightly unhealthy pale face, white long sleeve shirt but not a pretty one. Drab skirt with blue tights? Leggins? whatever they are called.

She is being interviewed by a few people. She is talking about her role in some play or other. She is smiling a lot, but unlike the woman in the other dream, this one seems kind of fake, phony, unpleasant, like a typical school girl with the snooty arrogant attitude, but who secretly has low self-esteem, and that is why she is mean to people .. something like that. I think some people can at the same time have an arrogant ego and low self-esteem.. feeling contempt for others, yet down about themselves.

I am standing a little ways from this annoyingly flamboyant girl. There is an upturned shopping cart on the table, I don’t know why.

The girl .. or young woman or whatever.. 18? 19? She’s going on, smiling and so forth very dramatic, oh yes, so happy. But not like the woman in the other dream who just glowed with inner joy, even as she knew how gorgeous and sexy she was.

This one, average girl found at any school, a good enough actress you might find in a drama department.. anyway..

She’s saying to the few people interviewing her.. people who are writers.. journalists for a local paper, but not bigshots for the paper, just kind of there at the newspaper office.. sent to cover an unimportant story that maybe will make it onto the inner pages of the lifestsyles section of the papers where there are occasionally articles on plays and things like that.

A few flashbulbs are going off as pictures are taken of the girl, who bothers me.

She says that when she comes downstairs to this area, she feels cold. But then, she is able to conjure up her oh so happy character in her mind.. the character she plays.. in the play.. and it warms her up so much, and makes the room warmer! And how wonderful that is!

I stand off to the side, silent and sullen. I’m thinking to myself, “well what if your character is a violent one?

In other words, bringing up my characters the characters I played on TV, like a violent cop.. then an image of a cop.. I can’t remember the actor’s name..blonde middle aged guy, I’ve seen him in maybe two films, not famous at all, a peripheral bad guy.. I think he was in “The Rock,” one of the main assistant bad dudes, but not the main villain, who was played by Ed Harris.

This guy wasn’t me, how I pictured myself, just an image of how one of my characters was.. a bad, violent cop in uniform. A villain.

I wasn’t happy about playing violent characters.. just did. I was thinking.. “I play violent characters. Conjuring up one of those characters in my mind is not going to make me feel better.”

This was the last segment in the theater I think, totally separate from the whole Di Nero and DiCaprio scene with the mongol and the practical joke, maybe I woke up after this part. I think I did.

There were earlier parts of the dream that I haven’t written about.. as far as I can tell, but I don’t remember them at all clearly. I might have dreamed those parts before I woke up, went to the bathroom, then went back to sleep, and dreamed these other dreams.

This may seem quite strange, but I felt quite good awaking from these dreams.. even though I was depressed or sullen.. in a bad mood in each segment.

But still, the dreams were really cool, and I woke up feeling good.

Now I’ve been awake for several hours… ehh..

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