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STD’s, sex, celibacy?

June 11, 2013

I get an email newsletter once a week from the website WebMD. Today’s was about STD’s. I would include a link here in the blog, but I’ve been dealing with a wordpress glitch, and haven’t been able to put links in posts. This is very frustrating.

Anyway..

I don’t have much of a sexual history.. barely any experience at all. I’ve almost always felt really really bad about this.

I don’t feel so bad now.. at least, as far as I can tell, I am disease-free. Perhaps I’m rare in this regard.

The STD info I just read contained pictures and statistics. Very very sobering. It’s hard to believe there are many single adults out there without any diseases.

As far as I know, I do not have any STD’s. It is possible that I do, and that symptoms have not shown up yet. There’s a common disease called HPV, that people can carry and share, without having any symptoms at all. I don’t see how this is possible.. I suppose I’ll have to go back and read that grotesque article again. No, I’ll read one without pictures. I’m more than freaked out enough already.  But, the pictures did get my attention.

Promiscuity?

I often fantasize about being promiscuous. It’s a lifestyle many guys take to naturally. Seems we are biologically programmed to spread our seed far and wide.

Also, we are shown in movies and TV programs that this is the lifestyle to be lived.. that men and women should hook up.. lots of times. Have lots of sex with lots of people. Many people in real life live this way.

I think there is MUCH denial in our society regarding STD’s. Life is NOT like TV and in the movies. I wish it were. I wish promiscuity were not dangerous. But it is.. very very dangerous. Not all of the diseases I read about can kill you, but even the ones that can’t are really really nasty. Some are incurable.

Some of these diseases can be spread orally. There has been a trend among religious teenagers.. going as far as having oral sex..since they are taught not to have premarital sex before marriage.. oral sex is not vaginal sex, and since they can have oral sex and still be virgins.. well..  Oral sex can spread disease too. Even kissing can spread at least one disease.

I’ve of  course not only been wanting kissing and oral sex, but vaginal intercourse as well. I have absolutely no interest at all in anal sex. My backside has an exit only policy. I don’t understand why straight people want to have anal sex. I don’t get it. I understand why gay men do.. although.. being straight.. I don’t understand being gay.

Anyway..

I need to retrain my brain regarding sex. In the past, I’ve written about sex.. my concerns about being promiscuous.. wondering about the dangers if I ever would chose that life. I’ve already written that a promiscuous lifestyle would be a bad idea.. not only because of health risks, but because of emotional risks as well.

But I still fantasize about sex.. and still feel a strong need for it sometimes. If I already had STD’s, and were a less caring person, I’d be promiscuous.

I am guessing the people who go to bars, and go home with different partners afterward.. these people probably have multiple STD’s, and that is an unacknowledged but accepted part of that lifestyle. Maybe people just expect to have STD’s and get more of them.. and so they continue with that lifestyle.

Celibacy?

What should I do?

I sometimes think about becoming a Buddhist monk, or a Catholic priest. I’m not Buddhist or Catholic, but sometimes have such a negative view about sex, that I think of devoting my life to service in such a way that requires me to be celibate. If I were religious, I’d give this more consideration, especially after reading the article I just read.

Wow.. now I feel quite reluctant to have sex with anyone, and am especially reluctant to have sex with a woman who is more than willing to put out after a few dates.

I am guessing the best place to find a woman who doesn’t have an STD is in church.. although lots of women who go to church have had premarital sex.. maybe the vast majority of Christian women do.

And besides.. I don’t go to church.

Is the best thing for me to do just.. whack off? That’s safe, at least. But usually, or at least sometimes not as fulfilling as with contact with another human being. And, I have to remind myself that fantasy does not equal reality. It’s safe to fantasize about having sex with many women, but not at all safe to actually have sex with them.

It is interesting timing.. reading that article today. I am starting to hang out with people from other countries, including some women. Some of them look good to me. But.. some people from other countries, according to what I read, are far more likely to carry certain diseases than Americans are. Ok.. guess I will continue to keep it in my pants.

Marriage?

Let’s say I fall in love with a woman, she falls in love with me.. we get married.. she might have an STD, or more than one.. so even if I am faithful to her, I could contract a disease.

Still, the safest lifestyle is a monogamous one. It’s possible, I suppose, to find a woman without any STD’s, and marry her. And even if she has an STD, and I get it, at least, if I stay with her, I won’t get more. That’s something.. I guess.

Safe sex?

It is safer to be straight than to be a gay man. I have not read of there being a higher risk of any disease for lesbians, but have read in several places that gay men, at least in America, are more at risk for certain diseases.

Is there really such a thing as “safe sex” for anybody? The only safe sex is no sex at all.. or being fortunate enough to not have any diseases, and be with a partner who doesn’t have any.. and being faithful to that partner. Otherwise..  masturbation.. safe.. but wash your hands first, just in case. And if you are a Catholic.. you’ll have to deal with Catholic guilt if you masturbate.. it’s something you’ll have to confess to a priest. “Bless me father for I have sinned.. I have touched myself in an impure manner.. 12,00o times.. ” Perhaps it’s a good thing I’m not Catholic.

Well.. I’m 40 years old, single.. but have no job.. am on disability.. living with relatives. Even so, I have found in the past that it is possible for me to get sex from women, without paying for it. I’ve never paid anyone to have sex with me. I made a pledge to myself many many years ago never to pay for sex.

I think women are far more likely to have sex with me for fun than to consider me a serious candidate for marriage. Makes sense.

But this is not a good way to live.

Lose weight?

I’ve been fretting quite a bit about my weight lately. My waistline is wider than it has ever been. I’ve felt bad mostly because I don’t look or feel sexy. This has troubled me a lot.. but now.. not so much.

Yes, I need to lose weight for health reasons. But not, at this time, for sexual reasons. I don’t need to attract women who are not interested in a long term relationship. And it seems I’m most likely to attract women who just want to have fun..

So..

Yeah.. I really feel I should avoid sex. I’m not exactly having to deal with a lot of temptation. If I want sex, I have to get in better shape, and really make an effort.. either that or hang out where there are loose, drunk women.. not appealing.

I guess I shouldn’t be so down on myself about my weight. Maybe I should consider a celibate life…  and go have a hamburger.

Become religious?

Maybe I should become a priest or monk. I’m bald already.

I was looking in the mirror last night, imagining myself in Buddhist robes. If certain Buddhist teachings didn’t screw up my head so much (I’ve written too much about that already) I’d consider being a monk. Yeah.. I’d look good in an orange robe.

If I were Catholic, I’d consider being a priest. Because of the sex scandals that have been happening for years, Catholic priests have a really bad reputation. But the few priests I’ve met I think are really cool. And so many priests, (and some monks as well.. regardless of their religious tradition) do such good work… it’s a lifestyle worth considering.

Let’s say I someday decide to take holy orders of one form or another.. then meet the woman of my dreams.. then what? Not such a big deal to stop being a monk, but a bigger deal not being a priest.. plus, I’d have to find a different job. What kind of job could an ex-monk or ex-priest get? Catholic priests acquire lots of job skills.. they could probably become social workers, or even find work in business, since they run churches.. sometimes very large churches. Monks though.. some make cheese or wine, or train dogs.. the Catholic monks.. but a lot of them just hang out in monasteries.. praying or meditating.. not much job skills to be found there.

For now..

For now.. I will continue being a celibate adult. I have no plans to date. I am on disability, and in debt. I am paying off credit card bills. I don’t have much money to date. That doesn’t mean I can’t get sex.. but..

After reading that article.. I am seriously thinking of not trying to get sex anytime soon. And, not trying for promiscuous sex.. at all.

Will I get married some day? I am kinda pessimistic about that. I was not feeling very pessimistic about getting sex.. but now I feel otherwise.

Yes.. time to retrain my brain..

And not have sex.

updates 10/10/14.. been doing some reading.. mostly on WeBMD, but also on a CDC website..

a few things worth mentioning..(this part contains rather graphic content)..

Genital Herpes.. estimated 20% of sexually active adults have this disease. The first outbreak is the worst. Outbreaks eventually become less terrible and less frequent. Still no cure. Many people don’t ever get symptoms.. this is both good and bad.. great not to have symptoms except that people who have this disease but don’t have symptoms can spread the disease unknowingly.

Genital warts.. according to one article, almost all sexually active adults.. damn, now I can’t remember the age range exactly.. I think it was 22-49.. will get warts. Pretty much inevitable.

A doctor once told me that almost all women will get warts by age 50, even if they’ve been very safe about sex.. something to do with being women. He didn’t elaborate.

Oral sex.. most dangerous.. sorry ladies and gay men.. most dangerous type is performing oral sex on a man and man ejaculating in person’s mouth. I’m male, and straight. I don’t have to worry about this.

According to a CDC article, performing oral sex on a woman is the least risky form of oral sex. I don’t exactly enjoy performing oral sex though. Very nasty taste. I’m guessing male ejaculate tastes terrible to women. It has been surprising being with women who have really liked performing oral sex on me.  Sometimes I think.. really? You want to do that?

So.. since I don’t want to go down on women, because of the.. taste (and I am worried about germs and other nasties) I can use a dental dam of some sort.. it’s possible to buy flavored dental dams specifically made for sex, but these ain’t cheap. On one website, I found 12-packs going for almost 20 bucks including shipping. Un-lubed condoms will also work, just cut one open. Tastes like latex though, unless one is using a polyurethane condom.

Flavored lubed condoms will probably be just fine too.. and likely to be cheaper than buying dental dams. Plastic wrap? Find a non-microwavable kind, according to CDC article.

Except for briefly making out and copping a feel with a woman I was involved with some years back but haven’t seen in quite awhile, I’ve not been active since I’ve written this post, and have still not lost weight.. and yet I still worry about all this STD stuff, which doesn’t make any sense. The worrying about STD’s keeps me less motivated to lose weight.. but this is really not a good thing.

What I have to be concerned with right now is the potential to develop diabetes, not contract an STD.

There’s a joke I read about sex vs. food:

I’m indulging in food instead of sex. Now I can’t even get into my own pants.

No.. not that funny, really.

It’s sure not fun being human sometimes!!

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