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Women, Social Change, Dating, and being a Straight Man in today’s society.

June 25, 2018

I’m trying to figure out women these days. Seems like very many women are progressive – quite liberal.

Those who are moderate or conservative tend to be either Evangelicals (conservative Protestants) or Catholics (there are lots of liberal Catholics and some liberal evangelicals of course).

There has been a continuing shift in our society, not only involving the LGBT community, but involving women – most of whom are straight.

The “me too” movement is VERY important I think, and I strongly believe that all women should be free of any sort of harassment or abuse, but unfortunately there is a down side to the movement – massive oversensitivity, so-called “micro-aggressions,” many of which are not intentional.

I don’t want to feel like I’m walking on egg shells, not wishing to unintentionally offend anyone. I don’t want to open a door for a woman and get yelled at or accused of supporting “patriarchy.”

I don’t know how many micro-aggressions there are – how many mistakes men can make – just by accident.

Ladies, can you accept that many men are good-hearted, and simply make mistakes? That we men are having difficulty with the changing natures of so many women? That men are generally more conservative than women, and we can’t help it?

So many people, not just women, seem to be offended so easily these days. I’m even feeling more edgy. The world has gotten a lot stranger and more challenging these past ten years or so.

I want to speak my truth – to say that I’m neither a Trump fan, nor a progressive. That I’m ok with gay marriage being legal, and like some LGBT people, but am sick to death of hearing about LGBT and feminist issues every day on NPR (which I mostly don’t listen to anymore) and other media outlets. And also that I’m sick of all the Trump-bashing. How long do you wish to stay exceedingly angry?

Also very very tired of and troubled by so many facebook memes – so many of which are mean-spirited. Just one example – two days ago, I went to a woman’s page here on FB, and found a meme making fun of straight white males (apparently straight white males are the enemy these days).

Honestly, my reaction to this sort of thing is “I’m a straight, white male. I’m not a racist nor a bigot, I’m semi-liberal, semi-conservative, and fuck you!”

But I didn’t leave that comment. I’m trying to take the high road. But that’s how I felt.

Seems like if you are really liberal, you can be as condescending or even as horribly mean as you want to, and this is considered acceptable by society.

I want to say that I’m reluctantly pro-choice, but favor some restrictions on abortion.

I want to say that I don’t have a problem with gun ownership, and am not greatly offended by the NRA, even though I am not a member of that organization, and not fond of guns (I prefer cameras, computers, art supplies, books, music, and guitars).

I want to say that many issues are much more nuanced and complex than most people think.

These views of mine are unpopular with many women. I’d rather be who I am and not date at all than date a woman who has a serious problem with my views, and who has views that I have a serious problem with.

It’s tougher these days for a single, straight guy – even a guy like me who almost always strives to be respectful and polite and kind.

And so far impossible for me to find a woman I really connect with. I’ve had this problem for many years. I’m politically moderate, not very interested in politics, and not affiliated with the Democrats or Republicans. Also not affiliated with any religion or form of spirituality.

I have my own moral code, based on Christianity, Buddhism, observation, and my own experiences. I don’t sleep around or live a wild life, but I don’t practice religion either, even though I really really want to.

I suppose some guys don’t worry about what the woman they are involved with think or do about politics or religion. Some guys are more laid back than I am about these things, and some guys just want to get laid.

But I care about these things, and feel it is important to have these things, these views – some of them at least – in common. I would not be a good date or mate for a woman who is strongly progressive and/or very religious, or extremely conservative.

Are there any politically moderate women out there who are not very into religion?

I’m not sure why I’m writing this.. just frustrated, down, and having a lot of difficulty dealing with so much social change, partisanship, and nastiness.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. June 27, 2018 8:47 AM

    Just follow this simple rule: Whatever it is doesn’t matter; it’s not harassment, sexism or even rape if she’s not Republican. What happens to the non-Republican “womyn” is merely the natural consequence of their own poor choices and misbehavior.

    • Tom Meninga permalink*
      June 27, 2018 12:30 PM

      That’s certainly not my viewpoint. I don’t think this is the viewpoint of many Republicans either. Many Republicans, including conservative Christians, are compassionate toward women – although they are pro-life

      I’m guessing there are a few Republicans on the fringe of the party (including our president, I’m guessing) who think the way you have mentioned.

      I’m not a Republican, but I will say that the great many Republicans who I know, and have met, including almost all my extended family, on both sides, and almost all the extended family of my sister-in-law, are not the horrible monsters you describe.

      Do you believe that all women who have been raped bear no responsibility for having been raped?

      I agree that most women who have been raped have not done anything wrong, and have been raped anyway. True.

      However, there are women who take remarkably terrible risks.

      For example, if a college woman dresses in a way that shows a lot of skin – is very scantily clad – goes to a party thrown by a notorious fraternity at a frat house, gets drunk and high, dances on tables in a very provocative way, and then agrees to go up to the room of a guy with a very bad reputation – it is partially her fault if she is raped.

      Let’s compare this situation to another one..

      I lived most of my life in a somewhat dangerous city in California. Some neighborhoods were infested with gangs. In most neighborhoods, the gangs wore red. I knew what neighborhoods to stay out of.

      Let’s say I go back to this city, and decide to walk into gang territory, at night when the gangs are most active, and wear a blue t-shirt, make gang signs with my hands that are from the gang that wears blue, and prance around the neighborhood in this way. I’d get murdered very quickly.

      Would I bear some of the responsibility for having been murdered? Yes. I took an incredibly stupid risk.

      I could insist that I can and should be able to wear whatever I want, say whatever I want, and provoke whoever I want, and not complain about getting shot. But this is foolish.

      Women who dress in a trashy way, become highly intoxicated, and insist on spending time with dangerous men are also being foolish if they think they think they bear no responsibility for things that happen to them. Such women drastically increase their chances of being raped, and it doesn’t matter what political party they are affiliated with.

      1. In summary.. no, I don’t think most Republicans have the attitude toward women that you think they have.

      2. Most women who have been raped were not in any way responsible for what happened to them.

      3. Some women unfortunately take terrible risks, and are therefore at least partially responsible for whatever happens to them.

      • June 27, 2018 12:36 PM

        I never said my opinions on this matter were the mainstream Republican ideas. They are, by and large, far more compassionate than I am period, especially towards “womyn.”

        I do, however, draw a firm distinction between women – Republicans of the fairer sex, and “womyn” – the idiotic and strident shrews and sluts of the Left.

        In the case of the latter, by their very beliefs and what they vote and fight for, they were asking for it. Hence, I don’t care one whit what happens to them. Indeed, I’m pleased when they come to harm, especially sexual harm.

  2. Tom Meninga permalink*
    June 27, 2018 12:47 PM

    You are pleased that some women come to sexual harm? That’s shocking. Even if women are “idiotic and strident shrews and sluts on the left” as you put it, I do not wish these women harm. I don’t like them, but I don’t wish them harm. I don’t wish that any women be raped or abused.

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